• Jord Tury

Writing a CHART TOPPER in 2019

Updated: Aug 19

Resting aside the fact that this site is devoted to good music, I thought we'd take a little break by going for a dip in the various other genre pools. Or, more specifically, the chart music. Yeah, that's right. THE CHARTS. Watch now as millions of us slither and wince at the very thought of it. The charts are biased. But, I guess you already knew that. And, if like me, you cringe at half the crap on there, then congratulations; you've earned my respect. Because, truthfully, if a chart song these days doesn't include steel drums or lyrics about setting the world on fire, then it probably isn't fit for the charts. APPARENTLY.

If you've heard one song in the charts, you probably needn't look any further for others. Because, honestly, you've probably heard most of them already. That's the sad truth. But, kids these days tend to absorb it like it's the greatest thing on the earth. Can't say I understand it, but hey, whatever helps them sleep at night, I guess. If I wanted to write a song that I knew would reach the number one spot, I'd come out with this:

Oh, baby. I love you, baby. Let's get together, baby. Let's set the world on fire, baby. Oh, we're breaking up now, baby. I miss you, baby. Baby, I'm sad now. I miss you, baby. Oh, baby. There you go. I wrote a hit song. Plaster that on the charts, you bastards. And don't even think about stealing my lyrics BIEBER. I know you've got your eyes on these. But, then again, so does every other wannabe chart topper.

I think it's fair to say if you've got DD's, a second-hand steel drum, and a pirated copy of Fruity Loops, then you could probably make a hit song. And, what's best is that you don't even need to be able to sing. Or play an instrument for that matter. You just need to perch over a microphone and pout, say something that's bang out of tune, and then hit export. If you haven't received a record deal two weeks later then you just don't have big enough boobs or your voice isn't bad enough to remaster via autotune. Sorry, mate.

It's sad, but it's true. Hence why a lot of us tend to stray away from the likes of Radio 1 and steer more towards Radio 2 or no stations at all. It's essentially all bullshit. But, that's only one guys opinion. And, whilst I don't technically hate any genre, I do seem to have a certain grimace on my face whenever someone like Taylor Swift happens to 'drop in' on what was originally a good day. Music is music. And music is beautiful. But some people can't quite portray beauty in the same way as others. People, I don't know, like 3 Chainz or whatever the bloke's called. People like that tend to navigate their focal points onto diamond grills and mumble rap as oppose to talent and a devotion for the music. And, that's quite sad, to be honest. Yet, it sells nonetheless. So, I mean, why would it stop any time soon?

I don't know, perhaps this is just a rant from some regular dude in Worcester. Maybe I just hate the charts more than any human probably should. Maybe I just need to take a moment to stop and listen to the deep meanings behind some of these songs and figure it all out. And, who knows, maybe I'll just strip The Void of all it's rock 'n' roll roots and just revamp it into a Taylor Swift fan site. Yeah. Alright.

- Jord Tury The Void (Editor)

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